I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
