I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
