Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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