I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
