YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
