Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
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I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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