I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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