I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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