Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
