The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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