I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
