I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
