Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
