I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
