He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
