Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
