It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
