The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
