you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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