dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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