my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well I just put wine in my tea
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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