I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
