Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The power of my boobs compel you
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
