i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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