So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
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I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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