I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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