Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
