The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
