i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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