Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
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It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
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My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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