Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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