Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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