if i can run in heels then i can drive
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
