I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
