I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
