It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
