If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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