I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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