it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
