i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
