Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
