Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize