can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
