TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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