and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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