Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
