Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
