They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
