His pubic hair was longer than his dick
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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