new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Randomize
