sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
