Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
