just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Say something about gay babies.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
