I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Houston, we have a squirter
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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