I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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