Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
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I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
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I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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