I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
