I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think people are normalizing furries
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
