So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?