If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
do nipples grow back?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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