I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.