Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Too much gin, very little bucket
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
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While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.