Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
