meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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