You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
