the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
