Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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