how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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