no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
